Why Can’t I Pray?

So..Fellowship Groups started again this Tuesday for the Autumn/Winter season. We’re reading 1 Samuel – and so far so good! I’m trying to understand Hannah, and what sort of belief/faith it takes for you to continuously ask God for something for half your life, and still love God – even when you don’t receive. And then when you do receive..to love him enough to give it back to him?!

You would think a story like that would move me to Prayer, right?! I’m telling you…my words don’t even catch in my throat…they hang about hotly around my ears somewhere.

I’m not taking this lightly..and i have to find some sort of cure. I mean..I’ve taken exams; i studied at University..i WRITE POETRY!?? And i can’t pray?

There were five of us last night….and at the end of the study we all voiced our prayer requests. R wrote them into an email which would later be mailed to each of us – and then we bowed our heads.

R is so eloquent, but it may have been easier for him as he had just written the prayer requests down. S has only been a committed Christian for about 2 years – but even within a year she’d thrown herself into working with ASLAN and other All Souls related things. She prays with her heart….an articulate keening expression of faith.

B is a quiet soul, and this reflects in her prayers. She’s thoughtful, and will pick a strand that touches each of us, to lift us infront of God our Father. M is clear-cut, and his uncomplicated and confident prayers were short and sharp.

Why can’t i?

Filed under: Life, Ponderings... , Christian Fellowship, God, Prayer

Little Old Ladies

I might be visiting little old ladies soon. It’s something I’d not thought of doing before…

More respectfully speaking – not reading an email properly has led me to meet up With Roger Salisbury at All Souls, who looks after Pastoral care at the Church. He’s organising members to ‘visit’ elderly members   who can’t get out anymore. Some of which have been attending All Souls for over 50 years.

I’ve only worked with the elderly once before. I briefly volunteered work at an old people’s home when I was about 16 years old. I remember the musty smell of the place: the ancient looking lady who always came to ask me if I had seen her daughter, and the harassed looking staff in crumpled blue uniforms. 

I was in charge of cooking their tea. It’s how I learned how to make poached eggs in a pan of boiling water. I can’t even remember why I left.

And so…with this new opportunity to ‘get involved’ and give up the Eastenders Omnibus (is there anything more depressing on tele these days?) I’m wanting to try really hard this time and show a bit more commitment (being 17 years on and all!)

Daffodils, marble cake, and scrabble? Roger Salisbury advised conversation and a whole heap of honesty. If you don’t think you can deliver something – don’t offer to try and do it. You’ll just be letting yourself and the person on the receiving end down.

Filed under: Life, Ponderings...

Appropriate behaviour

A recent incident has had me thinking about the definition of ‘appropriate behaviour’.  An old fashioned notion…or, is it?

For ages I’ve been meaning to meet up with a male ex work friend for a catch up – and last night our diaries finally coincided. We’d bantered over email about timings and venue, settling on Strada (2 for 1 pizza!!) .

Admittedly..(and here is the first instance of my being inappropriate), because I’d had to wait an hour for him, I’d already had a glass of wine when he finally arrived. I’d been people watching – it was a bright and balmy evening.

With the conversation on work, redundancies and mutual friends – i’d settled into ‘relaxed’ mode when he clocked my engagement ring.

“You’re engaged?!” His eyes were pizza round.

I suddenly felt stripped. What had he been thinking all this time? Worse still; what did he think I had been thinking? He’s single, and is obviously up for dating – maybe he thought we were on a DATE!!

Replaying our conversations I cringed; I can be flirtations and familiar with friends, especially once I’ve had a glass of wine.  I wouldn’t have blamed him for thinking I’d led him on.

Of course, once I’d shown him a picture of my fiancé and we’d laughed at him being out of the loop in not knowing about him, we where fine. He stopped with the innuendos, and I had another glass of wine.

So today had be thinking – Plato must have been a Christian. ‘Platonic’ friendship – or Plato’s theory of love refers to a relationship where there’s no form of sexual interest at all; just as Jesus taught:

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34)

And, if I may repeat myself: 1 Thessalonians 4:1-12 (I mentioned this yesterday)

‘God’s will is that we should be sanctified’.

Filed under: Life, Ponderings...